Blowing up Frozen Cows With Explosives

The best part about these stories is that I don't have to make anything up.

In the News today, April 2012, park rangers in Colorado are considering the use of high power explosives to solve a problem. At a remote cabin in the Gunnison National Forest, six cows sought relief from a snow storm, and huddled inside. Unfortunately, the six cows froze to death in the cabin, and are now just one huge beef and hoof popsicle.
The park rangers have racked their brains for solutions to the beefy problem. There are no roads to the cabin, and federal regulations prevent them from driving any sort of vehicle to the site. Helicopters have been ruled out as too expensive.
Which brings us to explosives. Apparently it is common practice for the rangers to blow up the carcasses of dead animals found in the park. Why, I have no idea.

I used to work in the blasting business, so let's look at this a little closer, from a practical point of view.
1. The rangers want to get this done before they thaw and turn into a putrid stew.

2. If the alleged explosives expert doesn't use enough dynamite to do the job, then the result will be a small pocket of beef puree, and a hole in the floor of the cabin, some smoke and a nasty job for the cleaning staff.

3. This one is my favourite. Our explosives guy is ex-military and seriously gung-ho on blowing shit up. Copious amounts of high explosives are tucked under the frozen beefsicles, and in all corners of the cabin to guarantee complete removal. Our man and his assistants strain their backs packing in all the dynamite, Amex or C-4 they can get their hands on.
The expert reassures the rangers that he has the situation under full and professional control. Installation of the explosives complete, they all retreat to a safe vantage point.
The countdown and then...the button is pushed.
Several  milliseconds of complete silence.
Just as the collective hive mind thinks...."Huh...it's a dud"...
a vicious and ear splitting detonation
For the smallest of moments the cabin expanded,  like a balloon before it disappeared into smoke and splinters.
The park rangers dive behind trees and assume the crash position. The explosives expert grabs one of the park rangers to use as a shield from the incoming rain of splinters, hooves, bones and meat.
They can't hear each other screaming like school girls.
As they run for cover, the forest is hammered with 500 mph meat missiles and shards of wood. Two Gulf War vets try to return fire to the unseen enemy, using imaginary guns.
 They scream orders at the cowering men to advance on the enemy positions.
The high speed impact of meat hitting the trees, shatters both the trees and frozen cow parts. A secondary rain of bark and beef shrapnel explodes into the air.
A towering mushroom cloud reaches for the sky, boiling up in a gray and white storm....pieces of cow and cabin follow it up into the morning sky.
The men are deafened, they can only hear high pitched ringing in their ears. They look at one another in a silent ringing noise, brain scrambled kind of way.
Slower, heavier pieces of cow and cabin start raining down from the sky. Falling down from 1500 feet straight up, these sections of post and beam, heads and assholes form a second assault on the men. Mortar shells of beef flank steaks terrorize the already defeated.
The mushroom cloud glows brightly in the morning sun, no sign of it slowing down as it reaches toward the heavens. It is a glorious, beautiful, awe inspiring and horrendous spectacle to behold.
The pressure wave of the blast radiates out across the valley, birds flee, bears run, small ground animals dive into their burrows.

It's done.
Deafened park rangers, helpers, biologists and explosives experts lift themselves up from the ground and stagger like drunks at 3 am. The Gulf War vets struggle  to orient themselves with the scene.

The cabin is gone. Non-existent, vanished. It has been replaced by a twenty foot smoking crater in the ground.
The surrounding area is littered with wood and meat for as far as the eye can see. Pieces of timber and cow legs stick out of the dust and guts splattered snow. Intestines and cowhide are hanging in the trees like some horror movie Christmas scene.
The park rangers were fired as soon as they got back to town. The biologists sued the government for damages and injuries to themselves and to the federal park lands.
The explosives expert submitted his bill and drove home listening to Ted Nugent on the stereo.

Saddled with legal bills and lawsuits, the government sold the park to a Wall Street billionaire, who promptly logged the park mountains down the last toothpick, and built a horse ranch for his fourth wife to raise show horses.

*** this last part never happened, I'm just saying, you know ....what if.
The frozen cows in the cabin is true. The other part, not so much.