I went for a physical today. I used to live in a small community, where everyone pretty much knew everyone else. I had several local doctors as friends up on the Sunshine Coast... so, visits to the clinics...or to the emergency ward were like going to see your next door neighbor.
A bit of small talk...catching up on the latest adventures...where have you been traveling too?...how's the oyster farm doing?...what are the kids up to?...
Good stuff. Small community, tight knit....compassion and caring.
Hell, sometimes Dennis and I would be in the exam room laughing and joking so hard ...that the nurse would come in to see if everything was OK....and at that point we weren't even taking hits off of the laughing gas... yet.
Dennis would do a couple of tests...ask a few questions...knock me on the knees with that stupid little hammer...poke around here and there....top to bottom..and then declare..."Well..you look fine...can't be much wrong... can there? See you next time, then"...but then he had the benefit of knowing me for over 40 years...he was the doc who treated the "burnt penis" ( it's in the story list...October 2011 ) He was the doc who told me how large of a radiation hit I got ( not in the story list yet )...Dennis comforted my dad when he was dying in the hospital.
We have history.
Of course this time when I needed a full physical ( massively overdue ) I obviously and logically decided to journey from my new home in Vancouver, back to the Coast. I knew that Dennis had retired, but that still left lots of back-up familiar faces.
So I thought.
I ended up with a completely unfamiliar woman doctor. An attractive 30 something...Indonesian/Malaysian...beautiful dark skin and hair.
And not one little bit of "Hi how are you?"....no chit chat. No history. No "What do you do?"...Where do you live?
She didn't listen or respond to my attempts at small talk or even crack a smile.
Cold blooded technician all the way.
She did announce fairly quickly that even though she was a woman doctor...she WOULD be doing the prostate exam. ( her meaning...she, the female doc would be probing me...the male patient )
Meaning to me... my input or opinion wasn't really welcome.
Now let's stop here for a brief moment.
I have no issue what so ever with the nasty bits of checking the prostate. Prostate cancer killed my favorite uncle ( Harold Pearson...hell of a guy...I miss him dearly )...and the disease has laid waste to a great number of my older men friends. I'll take whatever the fuck test you got...however you want to do it.
There I am in my pale green backless smock...on the exam table...on my side ...assuming "The Position"
Damn if she doesn't just jam her finger into my ass like...like she was trying catch her wedding ring from going down the sink drain.
I mean we are talking high speed anal intrusion.
No cocktails and small talk. No lame jokes or stories about previous experiences or ex's.
Just forced entry through the backdoor.
"Does any of this hurt?" she offers up.
It was probably on her cheat notes on human to human communication.
In the new doctor schools they get the speech "The patient may look like us from a distance...but don't let that fool you. The patient is nowhere near as educated, privileged, arrogant or self-righteous as we are. Do not think of them as equals..they are not. They are a source of income..compassion costs time and money...Don't forget that.
"OK good we're done"...my cute and very chilly lady doctor announces.
Now ..I kid you not about his next part..
With her back turned to me...she tells me to take the blood/urine request to the lab...and continuing to face the other way...bids me "good day"...and leaves the tiny exam room and me in my pale green smock.
Well fuck that I say.
If I'm going to get anally probed by a doctor that can't even look me in the eye to say good bye...I might as well stay in the city and take my chances down here.
And on that subject...I have had very good service down here in walk-in clinics and the various travel specialist shops. Sometimes funny...usually curious...generally smiley..genuinely concerned.
My point. ( and I do have one )..That was one disinterested doctor. Unless I was gushing blood from an obvious wound, she couldn't have cared less. She didn't look at my skin condition for sun damage, didn't look at my feet. Didn't ask any questions about sexual function. Headaches, vision, hearing, sleep, drugs...nothing.
I did what "they" say to do. I went and had a physical. Seriously, I'm no better off than I was yesterday.
Simple fix...I'll have to make a point of finding another passionate, caring, professional doctor who knows a funny story when he/she hears it...and preferably has a few of their own.
Good night.. and good luck in whatever the hell it is you think you are doing out there.
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