Sunday, April 8, 2012

Redneck Easter

One of my friends sent an Easter email this morning that featured this photo of a gorgeous dog with a very unlucky Easter bunny.


 


I replied with this ...
to xxxx
You might be a redneck if...
You took that picture in the backyard of your trailer home
While clutching a Pabst Blue Ribbon beer in one hand ( at 9 am )
Camo baseball hat on backwards
Mouthful of Skoal chewin' tobacco dribbling down your unshaven chin.
One tooth missing
Both doors on your Ford diesel pick-up truck open...and Lynyrd Skynyrd blasting out on the stereo.
89 Ford Mustang up on cinder blocks ( no transmission, skylight leaks and left front fender missing )
2 semi dressed retarded kids running around trying to find chocolate eggs...so that the sugar rush can push the Attention Deficit symptoms into the wrist slitting "red zone" for the next 6 hours
One of the little bastards just found your 40 pounder of Wild Turkey that you had stashed out in the wood shed...and is running towards the house shouting "Look what I found Mama, look what I found!"
You realize that the little fucker has it in for you, because just last Wednesday he found your stash of  "Giant Bouncing Boobies" porn and took it to the special ed class for show and tell day.
The "little woman" ( 2nd cousin ) is still in bed...she didn't get home until 430 am. For some odd reason she had her bra and panties in her purse and smelled like a bad mix of tequila and day old fish.

The thing is... this is 10 times better than that gong show that happened last year..

Happy Easter
Mike P
Here is how the saying of "Grace" went, later that day at the same house

Dear Lord
Thank you for Nascar and Dale Earnhardt Jr.
I'm sorry that I punched out my boss yesterday, but the sumbitch had it coming.
I'd say thank-you for the food, but seeing as I either shot it or runned it over, I don't really see where that fits in here today.
We all pray for a speedy recovery of gramma after she fell through the soft spot in the bathroom floor, after I told her to be careful 'bout that.
Thank-you Lord for making my 9 year old son Lil Zeke so tough, as he seems to be just fine after his stupid sister ran over him with her dirt bike.
I think it all evened out in the end, when he took a ballpeen hammer to her dirt bike, and smashed it all to heck while she was at a friends house...so I don't think you'll need to get involved in this one Lord.
Before I let you go Lord, could you please find it in your heart to deliver an Edelbrock intake manifold and four barrel carb for my Mustang, please and thank-you.
If you could do that, I promise to go to church two Sundays in a row, I shit you not.
Amen

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