Thursday, December 8, 2011

Doing Nothing is Harder Than it Looks

This is an actual response to an email sent to me by Robin MacGregor. Warning warning warning...it is a tongue in cheek letter which is somewhere between 14% and 97.5% accurate. This is a Fabrication...it's make believe!


I resemble that comment!

I don't think that people realize how difficult it really is to do nothing and escape meaningful employment in good and proper style.
First of all there is the issue of what time to get up to do nothing. Should I get up early and get a good run at it....or get a bit more beauty sleep and ease into the day gently.
 Do I need to get dressed today?...can I get through the whole day with a dirty T-shirt and boxers?

 Am I expecting guests today?...female friend...happy,....... female friend, pissed at me....landlady with nasty-gram, neighbor wants Eric Clapton and Cream turned down

 Do I add the rum to the first pot of coffee or second? How much rum is left? 

 Do I need to make a trip to get more rum?...weigh that against the question of getting dressed today or not....is it reasonable to show up at the liquor mart in a T-shirt and boxers?

Do I chow down on Cap'n Crunch or Count Chocula for a tasty breakfast?

Review list of women that are still talking to me and friendly
                                                   irritated but still hanging in there
                                                   all out pissed and still talking to me                  
                                                   pissed and not talking to me 
                                                   in the process of getting a restraining order
                                                   likely to go out and buy a sniper rifle, or leave an IED outside my door

Review list of male friends that are still talking to me and friendly
                                                    owe me money
                                                    I owe money to.......make notes and then disregard
                                                    friends who are likely to spring for a nice lunch and a round of beers 
                                                    friends that might pressure you to become a productive part of society again....disregard these comments...
                                                    friends that have fun toys to play with and might buy lunch and beers

Leave witty comments on internet news sites
Leave witty comments on your friends blog site
Read the internet news for Kazakhstan and leave witty comments
Leave rude comments on porn sites using the name and email address of the guy who owes you money for the last year

Go to lunch with male friend and talk about work, booze and women
Go to lunch with female friend that is still friendly and talking to you...and talk about whatever...I don't really know...I kind of tune it out.

Return home from lunch...hopefully with a beer buzz and have a much deserved nap.

After a two hour siesta...
Leave witty comments on internet news sites
Leave witty comments on your friends blog site
Read the internet news for Lower Slobovia and leave witty comments
Give your dead beats friends name and email address to to every telemarketer you can find

Dinner
...always a technical challenge. Is there any food in the house? Does it take a lot of work to prepare? Do I want to take the time to cook it? Do I need to get dressed ( again ) and go out to to shop ...and then cook.

Can I phone up some buddies at around 430 pm for a chat and see if they will invite me over for dinner and more free drinks?

Should I call a female friend to get an invite for dinner in which case I run the risk of having to talk about our feelings and future?

Is there enough change under the couch cushions to afford Chinese food?

Decide...Chinese delivery...pay a bit more and get the delivery boy to stop to pick up a half sack of Corona

Chow down on mediocre food and cold yummy beers

Watch a Netflix movie with a good beer buzz with one of the female friends that is still talking to you....

making sure to feign absolute exhaustion when she brings up the words "relationship" and "us" and "future" 

Lock the door with both locks when she leaves in a huff

brush and floss

Fluff the pillows, turn the cleanest side up...and drop into a blissful power-sleep...

Tomorrow is another big day

Mike P

This is all made up bullshit...apparently some of you thought it was real....well it's not. It's like Santa, the Easter Bunny and WMD's....a bullshit fabrication.
                                                             
                                                   

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